Things will change for me.

Alright lets face it. I'm a dreamer not a doer. I have spent twenty years of my life letting my dreams slip me by and letting people walk over me.
I am sick of my life being a endless cycle of watching people get what they want and me sit in my hole alone and miserable.
So no more.
There is something I know that will get me in touch with the people I need in order for me to achieve my dreams.
Bands have merch people who get to know the band and get to meet other people in the recording industry.
I know that it seems a bit extreme but its what I want to do.
I would get to travel, I would get to meet new people, and meet the band(s) I work for.
So with everything in me I am going to try to get in as a Merch person for a band.
Things need to change. I need to have more confidence in myself.
So here is what I need you to do as friends.
Be a little bit more supportive of the things I do.
You do not know how much it kills me when you say I am doing something stupid.
Let me make mistakes and learn from them!
I cannot stress how much other people's opinions run my life.
Not anymore. The opinion that matters most ins mine.
If I dont like your opinion I will ignore it and possibly delete it.
I am sorry but I have let other people run my life for me for far too long.
This is my life and I want to live it the way I want to.
I hope you can support me because I love all of you and would be crush if you didnt respect me enough to support my choices.
I love all of you who read this! And I am going to love my new life. I am going to love myself.

Ciao bellas!

Lets be honest.

So there is some drama going on that is useless.
Jenn's birthday is in November and she asked Chris and I if we could get along with a couple of people we dont like for her birthday.
Both of us agreed that since time has passed and feelings have died down that Yes we can deal with these two people and be okay.
We told it would be no problem and we could be civil because we love her and her last 2 birthdays didnt go as planned.
But Jenn keeps bringing up that everyone better get along or she will hate us forever.
At first we assured her, but now its just getting old.
And my thoughts are that I am not being trusted.
Chris is not being trusted to do the right thing and be nice.
This doesnt make us feel good.
How would you like it if one of your Best friends doubted you and thought you would ruin her birthday?
It makes me feel shitty.
I wouldnt do that Jenn but neither would Chris. However Jenn remains doubtful.
LAME.
Why be my friend if you dont trust me to try and make your 21st a good one?
Chris and I have not talked to them in 2 years.
WHY would she think we would start shit?
We havent started shit before, why would we wait for her birthday to start?
We wouldnt. We can be civil but I dont want to try if someone thinks I cant do it.
Its like beating me up for something I havent done.
Its lame. The whole thing is uncalled for.
If she wants her birthday to go well the last thing she should do is make everyone fear messing up.
Keep putting me down and I am not going to try anymore.
Make yourself happy. Cause apparently I cant make you happy.

If you want the original plans to continue rest assure I will be civil. So will Chris.
If you dont trust me then dont be my friend.

Learning.

So I am going to learn self disipline. I know that might be spelled wrong but I don't care right now.
I am brushing my teeth more.
I am trying to loose some weight.
AND
I am going to write a little on a story I've been writing EVERYDAY for the next three months.
I want to finish it.
Then I want a English teacher to make corrections.
Then I am gonig to submit it to a publisher.
I need to be doing something with my life and my skills.
So if I want to move I am going to have to save some money.
I could get money writing!
If I am good enough.
my fingers are crossed that I don't royally screw this up.
Also I want to make more Youtube videos.
I liked doing them, and I'm going to have to get over Mom being home for some.
Pandora dot com has become my new bestfriend!
Its a website that acts like a radio station that plays what you want to hear!
And it plays songs it thinks you will like.
Sometimes I don't like them.
You can only skip a certain number of songs per hour.
Thats the only downside.

Oh and...

ZOMBIELAND ROCKED!!!
Ciao bellas!